adolescence

[talim]

[ after the incident in kanbalar, alvin is back with them, acting like nothing ever happened as usual. elize is angry, leia is sympathetic, rowen is calm and observant, and milla... well, milla is milla. regardless of the recent surge of events, everyone is settling in after a long day. everyone except jude, anyway, who is standing outside on a balcony in xian diu and staring up at the sky, lost in thought.

he's never been more confused in his life. not even when he happened to meet maxwell herself, walking on water right in front of him. jude has been through a lot on this journey already, a journey he knows is still nowhere near over, but this might be the most confusing thing of all.

to be honest, milla is the person he wants to talk to most right now, and she has a habit of seeking him out when he's missing. so jude just... waits, attempting to push down the anxiety constricting in his chest and failing. ]

Comments

[poignantalist]

[ history books, schmistory books. who needs to read those when you've lived it? there are so much more interesting books out there. most of them are about sadomasochism.

fortunately, traveling with jude and alvin has helped milla develop a deeper understanding of human insecurities and, well, tact. she's far from perfect, but she knows better than to tell jude about alvin's feelings and advise him about human intercourse. so many fluids! ]

I have to disagree. You give him something that no one else has.

[ and no, it's not a boner. that happens a Lot. ]

[talim]

And what could that possibly be?

[ his question is genuine, his eyes as sincere as ever. jude truly is oblivious to the effect he has on others. ]

[poignantalist]

Trust. Faith.

[ maybe a little bit of hope, too. ]

I doubt that Alvin has spent his life surrounded by people who genuinely want the best for and from him. But you do.

[talim]

Of course I do.

[ it doesn't matter what alvin has done. to jude, that's the most obvious thing in the world.

he's still... confused. whatever it is that he feels for milla, it isn't the same as what he feels for alvin, but calling alvin something as simple as a friend feels... strange, somehow, like something is missing. they are friends, he hopes, but there's more than that, too. he just has no idea what it is.

milla, on the other hand, has given him butterflies since day one, and that has to mean something, doesn't it? she's beautiful, isn't she? jude has never had anyone to talk to about this stuff. not even leia. she's always seemed to dodge the subject.

Feelings. feelings are weird, and messy, and chances are, milla is the last person he should be talking to about feelings. regardless, he's glad she's here. ]

... But if he tries anything again, I'm going to put all that martial arts training to good use. Apparently I've been learning how to pack a pretty good punch. I'd rather not resort to that, but....

[ he and leia should spar again sometime! maybe he won't be bullied. ]

[poignantalist]

He may enjoy that.

[ alvin kind of does seem like a masochist. she read the books, man. still... ]

Something is still bothering you. Would you like to talk about it?

[talim]

[ why would someone enjoy being punched? he has a feeling he doesn't want to hear milla's answer, so better to not ask. ]

... Um. No! No. Not at all. I-I mean-- well, maybe, but it's nothing. Nothing you should worry about, I mean.

It won't get in the way of your mission. I promise. That's all that matters, isn't it?

[ he forces a smile. at times like this, he wishes he had, y'know. real parents. ]

[poignantalist]

[ hmm. if jude doesn't want to talk, there is only one thing she can do. milla reaches out and gently pats the top of his head. repeatedly. ]

It's all right. But you should know that if it makes you upset, it matters to me – no. It matters to all of us.

[talim]

[ jude flushes light pink, embarrassed. why does milla have to do these things. he doesn't even have the heart to tell her to stop with the head patting already. he's more or less used to it. ]

Well, the same thing applies to you, alright? Remember that the reason we're here is to shoulder this burden together.

[ milla has been acting a bit off lately, too, but it's not a subject jude is going to approach. she wouldn't divulge anything unless she wanted to. all he can do is continue to fight alongside her. ]

[poignantalist]

I know, and I appreciate it more than I can express with words. That's why I want you to know that I'm always here to extend the same courtesy. A problem of yours is a problem of mine.

[talim]

... You've really changed, you know that? You've definitely come a long way since trying to drown me.

[ jude really is happy she's here. he wouldn't consider his feelings a Problem, exactly, just... well, they're not something he thinks he can explain to milla of all people. ]

[poignantalist]

What was I supposed to do? You wouldn't go home.

[ she's flattered. you can take credit for a lot of her emotional perspective, jude. ]

[talim]

Is anyone going to just turn tail when they meet a woman walking on water and blowing up laboratories?

And then you wanted me to stay in Nia Khera. With Ivar.

[ that one stung a bit, milla. ]

[poignantalist]

[ okay, she even feels bad for that. ]

I didn't realize how annoying Ivar is until I left Nia Khera. Believe it or not, he was considerably more tolerable while I lived in my shrine.

[talim]

Maybe he'll learn some self-restraint someday. He has his heart in the right place, I guess?

[poignantalist]

I certainly hope so.

[ at least jude seems to have calmed down. for now. ]

[talim]

[ he has. ]

... Thanks again, Milla. I'll think about everything you said.

[ he doesn't think he's ready to go to bed yet - he'd like to look at the stars some more - but he's glad that she came to talk to him. now to think about what to do with alvin later on. Sigh. with the exception of his father, jude has always been terrible at being angry. ]